5 Relationships That Are Keeping You Stuck
They say it’s not “what” you know, but “who” you know.
That’s not accurate—it’s actually *how* you know.
*How* you relate to things matters more than *what* or *who* you’re relating to. This is because how you relate to one thing is how you relate to anything.
You can change the what and who for decades, but if your “how” is off, your results will stay stagnant. If you shift HOW you relate, then the “what” and “who” doesn’t matter.
This “how” goes way beyond the words and actions. Tactics, strategies, modalities, and therapy only focus on the behavioral-how of relationships—not the symbolic, mythological archetypes that are running unconsciously.
It’s not just about people either.
Our relationships with objects, ideas, environments, and people all reflect our inner psychological landscape and the way we manage energy. If these are distorted or miswired due to trauma or culture, we find ourselves having a difficult time with even the most basic aspects of life—despite consciously knowing the solutions.
This is why you may “know” all the metaphysical or business ideas out there, and yet still not get the results you should be getting. Simply knowing them isn’t enough—you need to know how to literally embody and actively relate in the world.
Working with clients over the past decade, I’ve discovered the top five things (unordered) that people are out of relationship with that keep them stuck:
Someone’s parents show you an uncanny deal about how they relate to key archetypes of life. They are the basis for the masculine and feminine concepts they carry with them into adulthood, which are the primary yin and yang principles of creation. Their own relationship with each other and yours with them has the largest influence on shaping your worldview (personal development and healing work aside).
For example, my parents fought a lot growing up, so my internal creative/feminine and logical/masculine aspects were often opposed and in conflict. Imagine how hard it is to create and make decisions when there’s always conflict inside.
Someone’s relationship with money tells you exactly how they manage energy. How they give and receive material objects, nutrients, pleasure, love, wealth, and affection.
For example, a client who had a hard time accepting money from others also deflected compliments and affectionate touch. The rejection of receive money had nothing to do with dollars, but a deep-seated belief that she didn’t deserve to be loved.
How we relate to ourselves is going to be how we relate to anything else. It’s fractal in nature. You can also see the truth about how you view yourself by your opinions and judgments of others.
For example, if at our core we see ourselves as ugly and despicable, we will likely project that distortion out upon things in the world. We will see the cruelty and repulsiveness of others and discredit the beauty. Or, perhaps we will flip into reaction-formation and do everything we can to superficially try to make ourselves more pure and beautiful to compensate.
Our relationship to fear will either stop us dead or propel us into greatness. All heroes have fear—it’s how they relate to the fear that transcends them into heroic realms. The fear may transmute and dissolve through their journey, or it may stay and they learn how to relate to it and cultivate courage despite it.
For example, most people see fear as something to run away from. This makes sense 10,000 years ago when we faced a pack of wolves, but not when speaking on a stage. The most successful people I’ve met see fear as an indicator of where to go—not what to avoid. Whenever I see something I’m afraid of, I know—from relentless experience—that what I need (not always want) is on the other side of it. This makes fear the greatest teacher, rather than the enemy. You see people that are at war with fear, and it always seems like their life is a battle.
The way we relate to life itself sets both macro and micro themes for our own life experience. Is life a drag, where we go from cradle to grave slaving away in the rat race? Is life a beautiful experience of adventure and connection? Is life a horrifying thing we must construct a fantasy about so we don’t have to face reality?
For example, one person sees life as “a surfable wave” and rides everything through with do direction neglecting all responsibility—and another sees life as “duty to one’s country” and loses all sense of pleasure. While both have some merits, they are both out of relationship with functional, essential aspects of being fully alive.
None of these are right or wrong, good or bad. But some are much more functional and expansive than others.
Now—how do we determine if the way we relate to these 5 things is functional or not?
If the response we get from life is chronically not what we think we should be getting, it tells us that how we *think* we are relating vs the *reality* isn’t congruent. And only once we know the truth can we make any lasting change.
And not just any feedback will do! It needs to be accurate feedback that is not distorted by filters, projections, and agendas.
If you have a trusted source for that—great.
If not, that’s where I can help.
If you’d like to accelerate this process of discovering how you relate to money, partners, your business or art, you, and life itself by decades and are sincere in your desire to wake up… and have an open mind about trying some “unusual” approaches…
Then the next step is to learn more about our upcoming 2‑day Fractal Relation weekend workshop just a few weeks away: