Stop Working On Your Relationships—Do This Instead
Working on your relationships is ineffective.
Why? It’s simple: grammar.
Think about it: what is a relationship?
It’s a noun.
A noun is static. It’s a snapshot of an accumulation of stories and meanings from the past. When you “work on a relationship”, you’re from the outside‐in trying to fix the past. It’s static and your perspective is likely distorted.
More on this is a minute…
Most people try to tell a better story, or make a better ship, or talk about behaviors they want changed. And this works… to an extent. Better strategies for coping with drama, conflict… better meanings to give situations… better understanding of masculine and feminine energies.
But somehow, the ship eventually sinks. And then you build a new ship that looks totally different but has the same crew, engine, rutter, and navigation system.
Oh, but this time is different, and we have to try another modality.
Ad nauseam, until your life looks like a rote shipyard—instead of glorious adventure, out deep in the depths of life sailing the seven seas.
And it’s not just our relationships. I’ve spent more time trying to fix myself than actually living! It never ends. It’s madness.
Do we just not then do anything and stop learning and growing?
Absolutely not. But there’s a better way.
Now, back to grammar.
What is the verb form of relationship?
It’s dynamic. It’s active. It’s in the present moment. It’s inside engaged. It’s full of feeling. It’s unpredictable.
And those things are confronting. They force you to see your shadow. They invite you to feel unconditional love. And both of those terrify us.
This is why people spend inordinate time on fascinating—but ultimately fairly useless—personality tests, modalities, books, and strategies. Again, they help, but only to a point. 5 seminars, 98 videos, 34 recommended but unread books, 2 “life coaches” later—and we’ve successfully avoided actually having to feel vulnerable and relate to another person in real life.
Nooo, anything but that!
It’s all a distraction.
You may not like me for saying it, but it’s the truth. And the truth is the only thing that will change anything for you.
It’s an avoidance of feeling. Of feeling lonely, inadequate, unlovable, abandoned, lonely, incompetent, rejected, not enough.
Ask me how I know.
When I became aware of how I was actually relating to others and life—I discovered it was almost the opposite of how I thought I was. No amount of working on my relationships could change that. It wasn’t until I began to relate in a new way that everything, almost magically, started to shift after a decade of struggle and “personal development”.
More sensuality, beauty, and playfulness—yes, even as a man. How I lead and follow, give and receive, set boundaries and owned my power are all more grounded and effective in love, business, and community.
This is the secret.
Change the way you relate to one thing, and all your relationships shift. How you relate to one thing is how you relate to anything.
If you’re interested in discovering the truth about how you’re unconsciously relating to everything: your partners, money, yourself, your clients, and life itself—and to end the drama, jealousy, hurt, guilt, insecurity, scarcity, and conflicts…
Learn more about the next Fractal Relation workshop (the next one is just a few weeks away) by visiting this page: